


The Pass to a New Future

by Zeria



Category: SSSS.Gridman (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance, Seriously this is just a slow meditation on Akane, She isn't in a good place you've gotta understand, Still I don't write pessimistic stuff so y'know, post-show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17527091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeria/pseuds/Zeria
Summary: As Akane struggles to deal with her life in the real world, Rikka attempts to coax her into making a move.





	The Pass to a New Future

**Author's Note:**

> Made by request of my $25 patrons.

The class was abuzz with noise. It was lunch time, so almost all of the 15-or-so students who tended to stay in the classroom were chattering up a storm with their companions. Conversations ranged from manga to music to sports, and it was almost loud enough that it was hard to believe anyone could hear themselves think. _Almost._ As was the norm, the students kept things just quiet enough that they could hear their own dialogues. As long as you had someone with you, the excessive noise just barely avoided causing a problem. Unfortunately, that did nothing to help Akane.

_I want to go home,_ Akane thought to herself, submerging her head in the arms of her warm hoodie as the cold false-wood of the desk pressed against her cheek. Having finished her daily lunch of a single candy bar in 30 seconds, she had nothing to do but suffer through this, as was usual. The noise threatened to overwhelm her entirely, forcing her to turn the sound up on her phone ever higher. It was getting to the point where the volume could have seriously caused her some hearing damage but she was willing to deal with that if it would block out the chatter. Had the classroom been silent, a student all the way across the room would have heard whatever it was that was playing from her blue and orange headphones. As it stood, those around her absolutely could hear it, one of many factors that compelled people to avoid her during this time.

Frankly, just managing to get up and come to school this morning had been hard enough. This kind of noise was not something she needed, but going somewhere else, like the roof, was not an option either. If someone were to ask her why, she’d say something along the lines of, “on the roof, I would stand out, but in here I can go unnoticed, even if it is way too loud,” but that wasn't entirely the truth, though it wasn't a lie either. The chief problem with leaving the classroom, however, was that she wouldn’t be around Rikka anymore, a fate far worse than the mockery she already received from time to time.

_Aaaaaaaaaaaah, why is it so hard?_ Akane continued to mentally beat herself up, thrashing her head around her arms as she did so. She had resolved to come to school consistently due to her last talk with the virtual Rikka and yet actually accomplishing anything once she got there was just too hard. Given how cold it was getting, she had wanted to just stay huddled up in her blanket all day, so attending today was even more difficult than it usually was, and yet it seemed to be, as it was every day, entirely for naught.

Akane gazed over at Rikka. The girl was the exact opposite of her as she was now, and yet, simultaneously, so far from the version of herself that she had built up in that virtual space. Rikka’s smile was so much more… genuine than hers had been. The way her beautifully sloped shoulders shook when she laughed, the excitement that showed in her enchanting eyes as she talked about her interests, the captivating way she stuck out her chest just a bit as she listened to her friends’ stories. There was so much kindness in her mannerisms, so much enthusiasm for the world and the people around her. It was something that never could’ve been recreated just by engineering some virtual friends. Akane would find the attitude despicably cloying if she weren’t so in love with every aspect of her.

The cacophony slowly began to fade as the lunch period’s last few minutes ticked down. Akane unplugged her earbuds from her phone, which wasn't a big loss given that all she ever played was a Kaiju-centric podcast that merely repeated info she already knew. With lunch over, it was time for Japanese class, and with that, she had missed yet another chance to try reaching out for the girl whose other self had propelled her to return to this world. Every day where she failed to bridge that gap only brought her closer to breaking that final promise she’d made with the virtual Rikka, whose face was becoming less and less clear by the day even as her words seemed incapable of fading. She had to wonder if Rikka would ever learn of her feelings.

* * *

Rikka didn’t know what to do. It was painful having to see Akane sit alone every lunch, constantly stealing glances at her. She knew the girl liked her of course. Even if the incredibly unsubtle looks weren’t enough to get that across, the fact that she had literally blurted out her name during class one day while she was asleep would’ve confirmed things quite quickly. Most of the class seemed to take that as just one more of Akane’s weird behaviors, after all, the girl’s strange obsessions were already enough to set her apart and it wasn't hard to imagine that she’d involve the most popular girl in class in some weird dream that was sure to feature kaiju, but Rikka found the accidental stunt somewhat charming, and was more than willing to give her a chance if she’d be a bit straightforward and come out with it already.

That hope didn’t seem to be bearing out, unfortunately. While the two of them had somehow been classmates every year since the start of middle school, part of the same friend group back when Akane was still trying to maintain one, they hadn’t exchanged anything but the briefest of words in the last two years. It wasn't until the start of the term that Akane had begun to show these signs of romantic interest, however. Beforehand she had just seemed, well, distant, depressed, and alienated from everyone else. Those feelings were clearly still present, and it was doubtful that anyone else would’ve noticed a shift in her, but Rikka could see signs of a desire to become social again that flashed across her face from time to time, especially during her frequent, and incredibly amorous peeks. Her desire to show someone else the adorably romantic faces that she made was only dwarfed by how much she wanted to help Akane confess, though she could tell that doing so for her wasn't what she needed. Besides, interested in trying things out as she was, she was not in love with the girl.

“Say, Rikka, why do you spend so much time looking over at Shinjo?” her friend asked. There was no venom in the question. After all, Akane wasn't hated, she was just seen as strange and worth ignoring, though that may not have been any better for the girl’s self-esteem. It seemed that while Rikka had been conscious enough to successfully time _her_ glances so as to avoid being spotted by Akane’s own, it was still quite obvious to those sitting around her.

“Oh, y’know, I just feel kinda bad for her, being left out like that,” Rikka replied. Her laugh sounded every-so-slightly more strained than usual, but it was doubtful that anyone would’ve been able to pick up on it. Her friends were perceptive and would’ve done whatever they could have if they could tell she felt off, but they’d have to have superhuman hearing to overcome the change blindness inherent to shifts as minor as the one she displayed. “We were friends back in middle school, y’know. It’d be nice if we could reconnect.”

The others rolled their eyes at that, clearly thinking that it was just another example of Rikka being a bit too sentimental for her own good, trying to help someone who obviously wanted to be on her own. It was, at least partially, Akane’s choice to stop spending time with her friends, after all. And maybe Rikka was being too sentimental. It wasn't an unknown pattern of behavior for her; there was a reason she had so many pets in spite of her lacking fondness for animals. Dwelling on if she was making the right choices or not were never productive, though, so as she walked home that day, rubbing her hands together as she shivered from the cold, she thought about how she could assist Akane without serving her the solution on a silver platter.

* * *

It was honestly incredibly hard for Akane to function without Alexis. The being had not been helpful to her; after all, he had turned her into a kaiju, which was not nearly as fun as she had imagined, and it was his powers that allowed her to escape from her problems rather than deal with them. But he did something that no one else in her life had been doing, providing her a base of support, offering a solution even if it was a false one. He had pushed her into action, even if it _was_ callous, reprehensible action, and without that, it was hard to know where to go. The lingering promise she had made with Rikka was the only thing driving force she had left, but it was of little help as she continued to falter whenever she came near the real-world version of the girl. _Please don’t let this wish come true._ All that meant was that she couldn’t backslide, couldn’t fall into her escapist habits once again. It didn’t provide any guidance on how to actually _live._

She sighed and continued the tedious walk to school, almost literally dragging her feet along the way, groggy as she was. If only she could give up, if only it were possible to just quit school and watch kaiju fights all day until she died. Her parents would be more than willing to shell out the money for her to do so, after all, as long as she didn’t bother them too much. The only thing that stopped her from doing so was the knowledge that engaging in something that pathetic was a one-way track to the virtual world. The promise that had initially felt like salvation felt heavier by the day. If only she didn’t have Rikka to live up to, she could just give up.

As she continued to run through depressive truisms in her head, Akane saw the popular girl across the street, wrapped in a purple scarf, only barely noticing her in the corner of her eye. _Why is she coming to school this way?_ Rikka typically walked there, not taking the train as Akane did, and from the couple times she’d visited the girl’s house back in middle school, she had a feeling she came around from the back side of the school before entering. She had certainly never seen her come this route in the two years she herself had done so.

Bewildered as she was at the sudden appearance of her crush, Akane had no choice but to keep walking forwards, slightly picking up her pace. It was, after all, only five-or-so minutes until the bell. These days, she wasn't giving herself too big a window with which to reach school, though she was always careful to make it on time anyway, as she feared that a single missed class would spiral until she totally dropped out.

As they simultaneously reached the last crosswalk before the school building, forced to wait until they were able to go forward, Akane came to a realization. _If I don’t make a move now, when her friends aren’t around, I’ll probably never end up confessing to her._ Immediately, her shoulders sank. A tidal wave of questions over whether she could actually do succeed in the endeavor came rushing in, threatening to drown out the competing thoughts that urged her to take a shot at it.

Struggling against the forces of stagnancy, she began to take a step into the street, with the crosswalk timer slowly ticking down, playing its slightly creepy song. 19.

She froze up as Rikka looked over at her, her anxiety stopping her in her tracks. The forces of progress were being pushed back. 16.

The image of the virtual Rikka flashed in her mind once again, both so fuzzy as to be unrecognizable and clear as day at the same time. She couldn’t let her down. Stagnancy was not an option, it was only a form of delayed regression. 11.

Rikka was staring at her now, visibly interested in why she was walking over. Instead of looking grossed out, as she had feared, she had a slight smile on her face, the same beautiful smile that she thought about every night. Akane was more than halfway across the short distance at this point. She couldn’t back out anymore. However this attempted progress turned out, it had to happen. 5.

Akane reached the end of the crosswalk, gingerly lifting her feet onto the curb. She was very clearly nervous, though Rikka continued to show no trace of judgement on her face. She gently sighed, her shoulders seeming to stabilize alongside the rest of her body as she took in some fresh air, preparing for a moment that could make or break everything. 0.

“Um, Rikka, c-could I ask you something?” Akane didn’t so much stumble as freeze up between almost every word, she was more nervous than a deer in the headlights, but she managed to get the question out to the girl.

“Yeah, what is it Akane?” Rikka’s response came much quicker than the question it was answering, and with a far lighter tone of voice, but Akane remained surprised at how receptive she was to being asked a question on the street. They hadn’t talked in years, it just felt weird for _this_ Rikka, one who had no reason to like her, to be so warm to someone as undeserving as her. Still, she wasn't going to give this opportunity up, no matter how many parts of her brain were demanding she do exactly that.

“So, could we, maybe, talk somewhere during lunch, or something, today?” It was too close to the bell to say what she needed to in the time she had, forcing her to arrange a date. She wished she could’ve gotten it out in her moment of courage, but the plan would have to suffice. “It’s _really_ important.”

“Of course I could,” Rikka said, an inviting and almost maternal smile filling her face. “Do you wanna meet on the roof?”

“Yeah, we cou—,” Akane stopped before she finished her sentence. “Um, how about we just eat in the nurse’s office, it might be too cold up there.”

It wasn't a sentence that left much room for Rikka to say no, not that she would have anyway, so she simply replied with a quick nod. It almost looked as if she grinned at Akane’s forwardness, though she doubted that was the case. She didn’t know what this conversation would entail, after all.

The pair reached the school as they finished making the plan, so they had to separate in order to change into their slippers.

“I’ll see you then, Akane!” Rikka said her temporary goodbye with an even wider smile than she usually put on. There was more motion in her short wave than Akane often exerted in a single hour. It made her a bit jealous.

She knew that they’d be together for the next few hours in the classroom, but to Akane, that short period seemed like an eternity, perhaps the most stressful one she had ever lived through. Paying attention to the teachers was out of the question today.

* * *

As soon as lunch began, Akane had dashed off to the nurse’s room, though aside from Rikka, no one seemed to particularly care. Rikka herself took a bit longer to leave, speaking with her friends and explaining why she wasn't going to be spending lunch with them today. It’s not as if they were all that clingy, but she was a popular girl after all. It’d be strange if no one questioned her when she left the room for lunch, something she hadn’t done all year. Even with that slight interruption, it only took a couple of minutes to get to the nurse’s office. More than enough time to give Akane the space she needed to finally confess.

As she arrived and saw Akane sitting on the bed, waiting for her, she practically began salivating. Not out of arousal or anything, though Rikka would certainly admit that she was a nice sight and was pleased to see the unoccupied nurse’s chair. She was simply brimming with anticipation for the conversation she’d been waiting for the girl to pose for the last few months, not even including all the time she’d wanted to rekindle her friendship with the girl. She was giddy like a kid on Christmas day.

“So, what did you want to talk about, Akane?” Rikka could tell she was nervous again, her earlier confidence having worn off in the time since, so it only seemed right to start the conversation, if she refused to guide it.

“I was, um, wondering if, perhaps, you’d want to hang out more often?” Akane stammered her way through this, clearly unprepared but determined to get this out. It was pretty cute.

“I, uh, had a bit of a hard time until recently, I’m still having a hard time, actually. Wait, uh, I don’t want to freak you out or anything, don’t worry about me, I’m fine, that’s not why I wanted to talk.” She began pushing her fingers together out of nervousness. Rikka hoped that she’d be able to finish the conversation without growing too anxious to speak.

“So, well, I kind of wanted to get closer to you again, like back in middle school.” She paused after this, giving Rikka room to come in.

“Akane, you know I only ever stopped hanging out because you drifted away from our group. I’d be glad to spend more time with you.” She was a bit disappointed that Akane hadn’t confessed outright yet, but it was just a matter of time. She was almost shocked she hadn’t picked up on her eager smile.

“Mhm. Well, I also wanted to say that, um…” Akane stopped.

There was a long, awkward pause, as she clearly struggled to finish saying what they were both waiting for.

_This is far enough._ Rikka thought. _She clearly wants to say it, if I finish the job here, that won’t erase the fact that she managed to confess to me._ She leaned over and slowly placed her hand on Akane’s face.

“Is this okay?” she asked. Akane nodded. Both of them were breathing heavily, though neither was able to notice that in themselves or in their partner. They were far too dazzled by each other's eyes.

Rikka leaned in and brought her lips to Akane’s. The girl recoiled slightly, it was her first kiss after all and a bit of a surprise at that, but she quickly returned her lips to Rikka’s. It lasted only a few seconds, but as they simultaneously pulled away, both of them had smiles on their faces. Perhaps more surprisingly, tears were running down both their cheeks.

_Why am_ I _crying?_ Rikka thought to herself, almost laughing at the fact. Sure, she had wanted to reconnect with Akane and was glad that everything had worked out so well, but was that enough reason for her to cry? She couldn’t fully understand her own emotions. Had she even been _into_ Akane a couple of hours ago? She only remembered being curious about how this would all go, this level of investment felt a tad abrupt.

“So, um, does that mean you’d like to be my girlfriend?” Akane asked.

“Absolutely.” Rikka’s response was far less confused than her thoughts were at the moment. The simple knowledge that they were dating was enough for now, she supposed. There was no reason to break her rule about overthinking things now.

* * *

The pair of newly-established lovers didn’t go home together that day, after all, it was a normal day and Rikka had plenty to do, but they managed to sneak some hand-holding and a selfie in before they had to split up. Which, granted, was only a couple hundred meters, but to them, it felt like the world. Besides, they’d get to talk to each other before bed. That was something Akane had only been able to dream of just one day ago.

As they went their opposite directions, Akane felt a swelling of happiness that she hadn’t in ages. Dating Rikka, this Rikka, was not going to fill the hole that Alexis’ defeat had left, it was not going to stop the night terrors she continued to wake up to as she thought about those she killed, and it wasn't going to suddenly make it easy to get out of bed in the morning. Things would immediately improve, the prospect of getting to see her girlfriend’s face was one that could motivate her to do many things, but it could only do so much. And yet it gave her motivation to continue _living_ , a reason beyond that promise she’d left behind in the virtual world. She had no idea what the Rikka in there was feeling like right now, and thinking about that occasionally made her feel guilty. But, eventually, it’d all be fine.

After all, the two of them had a chance at a long future together outside the computer. They had begun to walk the long path to constructing a strong relationship, one that could help prevent her from slipping back into that world as long as she kept pursuing self-improvement. If she could do that, in the state she was in, then surely, the one she left behind, the one who gave her the pass to a new future, would be able to do so as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm personally really proud of this one, it might be my favorite fic I've written. Anyway, I intentionally left this open both to more material on this Akane and Rikka and for a fic on virtual Rikka, so become a patron if you wanna have me write that, haha. Or don't, because I'll do so anyway if I ever find the time.


End file.
